As the Sun Sets

Currently my favorite song is 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman.  It's got a beautiful tune and really uplifting lyrics.  However, it wasn't until today that it really became a personal prayer and worship song.

This morning has been a rare morning.  I actually was able to get up and fix my husband breakfast and make his lunch, something I haven't been able to do for at least 2 weeks.  Normally Wynter is attached to me at that time getting her breakfast.  For Andrew being served breakfast and having his lunch made by me says 'I love you'.  I don't always like doing it, but I do know how much it means to him and so I prefer being able to do it even when I don't actually want to do it.

I also got to take a shower this morning! Ever since Wynter was born my showers have to be done at night before bed if I want one during the week.  Sometimes Oliver and Wynter will cooperate and I'll get to take a quick one in the morning while they play, but that's not even a once a month occurrence.  Wynter was awake, but Oliver slept in today and so I just plopped Wynter in her bumbo seat and took a shower.  I even had time to shave my legs!  (The simple pleasures of motherhood...)

So this morning I was in a pretty good mood.  The chorus of 10,000 Reasons popped into my head as I was showering, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul...".  And then so did the beginning of the first verse, "The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning...".  You know how it is when a song gets stuck in your head and you can't remember most of it?  Yeah, so I went and looked up the lyrics and pulled up the song on YouTube.  When I read the lyrics of the first verse it was like God was sending me a message.

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

Lately life has been drowning me.  Each day starts okay, but by noon I am drained, and somewhere around 1 or 2pm I lose it.  I'm not even going to describe how badly I lose it because it's embarrassing and shameful.  I feel horrible about losing it, even hate myself most days, but it feels uncontrollable and comes on so fast that I feel completely unable to stop it.  By the end of the day I'm completely depressed.  Hopeless.  Deflated.  Despairing.  Almost nothing and no one can cheer me up.  I'm a complete wreck.  I feel like screaming, not singing like the song says.

Reading, "Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes" was like God reminding me that where I lack the strength to get through, He will help me.  The lyrics don't say "Whatever may pass unless it's a toddler throwing extreme tantrums all day, or a 5 month old who refuses to sleep unless in mommy's arms, or a house that is overwhelmingly messy", it just says "whatever may pass".  So this has become my daily prayer, that absolutely WHATEVER happens, I will be joyfully singing (whether actually singing, or just being joyful in my countenance and my words and my actions) as the day ends.

I know that I will not always remember to pray this prayer, and sometimes life will get the better of me, and situations that throw me into total meltdowns won't suddenly become easier or non-existent, but I do know that I have God on my side and I can always turn to Him for the strength, patience, love, self-control, kindness, gentleness, peace, and joy that I lack and He will give it to me.