Learning Lessons in Hardships, Finding Rest in Joy

I used to think that if Oliver was just a little older, able to communicate his wants and needs in full sentences, or a little bit more obedient than having a second baby in the house wouldn't be as difficult.  I know parents often agonize over when the right time is to have a second child.  Many factors are considered, such as age of the first born, finances, living situation, etc.  It's a hard decision, and I think that when it comes down to it there is no "perfect" time for that second baby, and the "right" time really depends on the family and what is important to them.

For us it was important that Oliver not be too much older than our second baby.  We thought that it would help minimize jealousy, and create a closer bond because he wouldn't remember ever being an only child.  It made perfect sense until right before Wynter was born.  A few weeks before her due date I was suddenly worried that I was stealing something special from Oliver, more time as the treasured only child.  I was worried about how he'd feel about no longer being the sole baby in the house.  I agonized over this, and even cried a few times.  Thanks to a long conversation with a good friend I was able to let go of that guilt and seeing Oliver with Wynter now helps me from feeling any regret over timing. He loves her so much and it's very obvious.

Even though I don't regret how close they are in age, there is no denying that having two children in diapers and neither of them talking (for the most part) is much harder than I thought it would be. Like I said, I used to think it would be so much easier if Oliver was older and able to communicate with understandable words, and maybe potty trained, or able to pick up his own toys.  Recently I have come to the conclusion that each age comes with it's own set of challenges.  Even if Oliver could talk, pick up his toys, or go potty in the toilet, there would be other challenges to deal with.  I don't think that age makes a difference anymore, at lease in regards to the challenge of being a mother of two versus a mother of one.

Coming to this realization has changed my perspective a little.  Honestly, every realization I have regarding motherhood gives me a new or broader perspective.  Figuring out that being a mother of two is impossibly challenging regardless of how old the first born child is really pulled me out of my own head a little.  Of course the exact details of my day to day challenges are unique to our situation and children, but I began to see that regardless of who you are, regardless of your circumstances, adding that second child magnifies the difficulties of motherhood immensely. 

It has also magnified my joy, and my love.  It's hard to see that sometimes because sorrow, frustration, and anger can be so much louder than happiness and contentment.  I was reading in Ecclesiastes today and came upon chapter 7, verse 3.  It says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, for when a face is sad a heart may be happy".  The commentary for this verse says, "...happy times generally teach us less than hard times."  It is painful, and harsh, but true.  The daily hardships of motherhood nearly always teach me something, while the easier happy times are mostly full of peaceful rest for my soul.  For this reason it often feels like the hard times are more frequent, even more memorable than the times of happiness and peace.

Then, just as I was really sinking into despair today because I felt like the challenges of today would be my challenges forever, God reminded me of His grace and gave me hope.

"Indeed, there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins." 

Ecclesiastes 7:20

It is reassuring to be reminded that perfection is unattainable on this earth, though that doesn't stop me from looking to Christ for transformation.

The Lord's lovingkindness indeed never ceases,

For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"Therefore I have hope in Him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

When hope is lost we need to remember God's faithfulness, His love, and the hope we have in Him.

I called on Your name, O Lord,

Out of the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice,

"Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief,

From my cry for help."

You drew near when I called on You;

You said, "Do not fear!"

O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause;

You have redeemed my life.

Lamentations 3:55-58

Last, but maybe most of all, these 4 verses gave me strength.  Despair is a pit of darkness that blots out hope.  While drowning in that pit I forget that God can reach into the deepest, darkest places of despair and help us out, back into the light.  He will always hear us, and He will always help us. It is God who brings light into the darkness, and hope to the hopeless.