Just A Mom. Just A Kid.

Yesterday was, I think, the first time I identified as the parent of a special needs child.  It was overwhelming, shocking, mind-blowing; all those emotions I didn't feel when the word "Autism" was spoken, and a few that I did.  I couldn't help but think that this was not what I signed up for when I decided I wanted to be a mom.  These were not the struggles I thought I would face.  Then, after going through all that, I thought, "I have a child with special needs, undeniably, but I am just a mom and he is just a kid."  That was really a profound moment for me.  Now, I'm not trying to belittle the incredible difficulties that come with being a parent of a child with special needs, but sometimes that "label", Parent of a Special Needs Child (or whatever variation is used), can be isolating.  I know when I voiced it for the first time yesterday, I felt like suddenly I was not the same as other mom's.  I felt different, set apart, and it was not a good feeling.

I am just a mom.  Yes, I have a child with special needs, but does that define me as a parent?  No!  I deal with regular tantrums too.  I love my kids just the same as any other mom.  I make mistakes.  I yell, and then tearfully apologize.  I get them McDonald's.  I face many difficulties that other moms might not, but I also face many of the same.  And there are moms who face difficulties that I don't, and will probably never have to face.  Sure, I could use some special support and understanding in certain areas, but it's my firm belief that every parent needs all the support and understanding they can get.

"This is not what I signed up for when I decided to be a mom." That thought was not about the challenges I face, but about the isolation I feared.  In reality, I am not isolated.  I have amazing friends and family that have stepped up to help, to pray, and to encourage.  I am even making new friends who are so understanding and encouraging, just lovely all around.  I don't think they see me as a parent with that extra label "of a special needs child". 

On the flip side, there are certain things I seek out or do differently specifically because Oliver is a special needs child.  (Wow.  I think I really hate that label!) I might look out for toys that touch on areas that Oliver needs extra attention.  I look for books that are specific to the challenges we face.  My parenting techniques are unique because our situation is unique. So, yes, there are some things that are not really typical in our home and our family life.  Then again, isn't every family unique, facing challenges that are unique to them, and looking for answers that are specific to their own situation?  So we aren't all that different after all.

I am just a mom.  Oliver is just a kid.