Just a quick thought

It's only when we forget our total depravity, forget that we are born complete sinners, that we begin to believe we have free will.  We are born enslaved to sin, we aren't free in any way.  It is only through God's grace that we can ever be set free from the bondage of sin.

A Mother's Anger

I have issues with anger.  We all do to some extent.  There isn't a single human being who has never gotten angry in their life.  I have levels of anger and different ways it presents itself.  If I'm angry at Andrew I get quiet and withdraw, but if I'm angry with Oliver I can be very vocal about it.  That's being too nice, the truth is that there are times when I am angry with Oliver that I get very awful.  I have been known to scream at him, growl angry words at him, even throw an adult version of a tantrum because I'm so angry that he's not doing what I want him to do.  I'm confessing sin here, an area in my life that needs a lot of work.

Yeah, I can look a lot like this (minus the megaphone):

It's embarrassing, shameful, and I hate myself directly after acting out in anger toward my baby boy.  I do always say I'm sorry and that I love him and that it was so very wrong of mommy to get angry like that.  Then I'll hug him and kiss him and be sure he feels my love and doesn't just hear it.  Sometimes, and I should do this every time, I'll say a quick, simple prayer with him confessing my sin and asking God's forgiveness, as well as asking God to help mommy in the future with her anger.

I'm not going to lie, confessing this openly is so hard.  I don't like to admit how awful I can be.  The great thing is that God is working in my life, showing me my sin and helping me to change and grow.  My goal in admitting my problems with anger is to show other moms that struggle with the same thing that they are not alone and also that they don't need to continue on as they are.  We have hope because we can turn to God, give up our anger and the issues that are causing the anger (for me it's about control and selfishness) to Him, and allow Him to transform us into His image.

There is a blog I recently started reading called Femina.  I greatly recommend it.  One of the authors, Rebekah, wrote a blog post about mothers and anger and all the sin surrounding anger.  Something she said was, "the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God".  That really hit me.  All of my anger and yelling and screaming and whatever else isn't going to show Oliver (or Wynter for that matter) the grace of God, nor is it going to produce anything but obedience out of fear.  Nothing good comes from that kind of anger. Nothing.

There was a follow up post about where the anger comes from by Nancy that also hit home.  Nancy is blunt but speaks the truth.  She writes, "Now how can a sweet Christian woman get angry and say “evil” things to her children? Does that mean she has “evil” in her heart? Unfortunately, that’s what it means. We all have evil in our hearts. No one is good. So we all need gospel grace day in and day out.".  She's 100% correct.  The awful anger and hateful things I say come from evil in my heart and because of this I do need "gospel grace" every day.  She goes on to give practical ways to prevent situations that consistently cause mothers to sin with anger.

So, if you are a mom and you struggle with anger (well even if you aren't a mom and you struggle with anger) then know that this sin is not something only you deal with, and know that God's grace covers it, and God can and will transform your heart.  Once we recognize the sin we can begin to address the sin and, by the grace of God, we can change.  By the grace of God I can change and begin to demonstrate God's love and grace instead of my sinful heart.