A Woman's Value

As I hear about Miley Cyrus's VMA performance I am saddened.  I have to admit that I watched a bit of her performance this morning.  I wanted to see if it was truly as shocking as everyone says it is, and as I watched it I just wanted to cry. I remember being her age, and I remember the desperate feelings that made me want to act in shameful ways.  

This world tells young girls that their value is tied to their beauty, and especially to their sexiness.  Their worth, the world says, is measured by how many boys they can get to want them.  When I was Miley Cyrus's age, and really it started at about 17 years old, I believed this message.  I desperately sought the attention of guys, and I wanted so badly to be desired.  I also resented it.  Even while I sought the attention, I hated it. I hated myself, I hated my body, and I hated how I felt.  I watched Miley Cyrus's performance and I recognized myself from years ago.  The only difference is that she is has a public stage to perform on.

I can't speak for Miley, I don't know her personal struggles, or feelings, or thoughts, and so I can't say why she performed the way she did, but I will never forget that period of my life.  I felt so worthless.  I don't know where I learned this lie from, my guess is from movies and magazines, perhaps even people that I knew at that time.  This lie that I believed told me that girls who dance on tables are carefree, and that guys will see them as fun and desirable; the lie told me that men only value a woman's body; it told me that sex was the only thing they want from me; it told me that who I am doesn't matter, all that matters is whether the men/boys/guys around me find me attractive enough to give me attention.  And I believed this lie.  I believed it for a long time, and I made choices because I believed this lie that I now regret.

Someday Wynter will be a young woman and I want so badly to protect her from believing this lie.  I can't keep the lie out of her life because it permeates our culture.  You can find it in songs, in movies, in magazines, and in books.  So, I know I can't keep her from hearing this lie, but I can work hard to be sure that when she first hears that her worth is tied to outer beauty and sex, she will have heard the truth for so long that she will be able to recognize it is a lie and choose not to believe it.

This is the truth:  Our worth comes not from our physical appearance, nor is it measured by our abilities, or the amount of attention we can attract; our worth was determined long ago, when Christ valued us so much that he died on the cross for us.  That is our worth, and it has nothing to do with what we have done. 

John 3:16 has never spoken to me as much as it does today, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (ESV)  If that doesn't tell us how much we are loved, how much we are worth, I don't know what does.    

Capturing the Little Moments

I've been increasingly into photography as of late.  I'm self-taught, and still learning so much, but I like to think I'm able to at least capturing some pretty good shots of my own kids. What I love best about photography is being able to capture magical, every day, moments with clarity and the beauty that I can see with my own eyes.

I've shared this picture before, but it's such a good example of what I'm talking about!  The moment lasted mere seconds, and I'm so thankful I was able to capture it.  The lighting is wonderful, Oliver's expression, the placement of his hands, everything about this photo is magical to me.  Of course, that could be just because I'm his mom, but I like to think it's a good photograph too.

This is another great example.  This photograph is taken in our tiny back yard, and Oliver is splashing in the little plastic kiddie pool.  I snapped hundreds of photos while the kids played in the water, and one of them happened to be the above photograph.  Look at the joy on his face!  Again, it was a split second moment, and I cannot believe I captured it.  This is a photo that I'll treasure all my life.

Wynter is saying bye in this photo, right before she started running off and I had to chase after her. I just love this photograph of her, it shows all her character and personality.

And this is the last one, I promise. She's so messy, and sticky, and adorable in this photo! I love the way she'd glanced at me right as I took the photo.  These moments, these every day, ordinary moments are the ones I treasure most. Sure, I appreciate the occasional posed photo (especially family ones), but the posed ones are just that, posed.  Life passes so quickly, especially the early childhood years as they learn so much so quickly, and it's the every day moments that are so special and so fleeting that I crave capturing them in all their wonder.

Someday, I want to offer the same to other people.  I hope to offer photo shoots to families that capture their unique ordinary life, in their own home, at a park, wherever they live life.  This is my dream, and I believe that slowly it is coming to fruition.  I still have much to learn, and need lots more practice, and for now I'm happy to dream and wait, and glean practice in whatever way I can.

What Happened To August?!

It seems like yesterday was August 1st... but suddenly we're here at August 21st and in the middle of our 3rd week of homeschooling.  It was a huge blessing to hear that I am doing a great job teaching Oliver at home from one of our therapist's yesterday.  I don't want to "misquote" her so I should also say that she still pushed pre-school, private or public, on me, but only for the extra social interaction.  She'll be gone during most of September and she told me that she wasn't worried about Oliver because I'm doing such a great job taking what she gives me and utilizing it with him at home.

Oliver is also getting better with obedience (I feel like I'm talking about a dog in obedience training saying that).  I'm no longer as worried about him running off, and he seems to understand that he needs to stay within my eye sight while outdoors.  The weather just needs to cool off more so we can spend more time outdoors!

Since I need August photographs of the kids, we did go outdoors for a bit a while ago.  Here are some of my favorite snapshots:

I love those sandals! I originally ordered the wrong size, but got the chance to order another pair that does fit her.  She'll have the same shoes next summer now too!

I love this picture. Our neighbor kindly took it for us.

Again, love! 

Bye! (She says it, "die!)

I'm excited for September.  September brings the beginning of fall, and I can start thinking about the holidays without receiving too much resistance. Besides, Summer is my least favorite season, and Autumn is my favorite.

"no school equal to a decent home..."

Source: TopMastersInEducation.com

With the Good Comes the Bad

I am so very pleased that Oliver's communication has blossomed, seemingly overnight!  He's answering questions to the best of his ability, requesting things, and even asking for help. I love it!  Our first real conversation occurred Wednesday while playing outside.  I was talking with our neighbor about my camera, and Oliver comes up to me and pats my leg requesting attention.  I turned to him and the following is as close to what was actually said as I can remember:

Me: Yes?
Oliver: Help please.
Me: You need help? What do you need help with?
Oliver: Bicycle.
Me: You need help getting your tricycle?
Oliver: (nodding his head) Uh huh.

I was ecstatic!  If I hadn't been in front of a stranger I would have shouted for joy, maybe even danced!  It was a beautiful moment. 

However, (and I'm told this is perfectly normal, though difficult to deal with) we're seeing some behaviors that either weren't there before or are increasing in intensity.  Do you know what "stimming" is?  It's also called perseverating.

Perseverating: present participle of

perseverate

Verb

Repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.

Oliver perseverates both verbally and physically.  A verbal perseveration might be repeating a question or phrase over and over, to the point where it is no longer a response to an occurrence.

For example: Oliver stands on the couch and jumps off, and I exclaim, "Oh my!".  Oliver then repeats my exclamation.  Repeating that sort of exclamation once or twice is him learning language and communication by imitatating me.  Repeating it 5+ times becomes Oliver perseverating.  He might like the sound of the words, or the feel of saying them, I rarely know why something turns into a repetative action or verbalization.

An example of physical perseveration is when Oliver takes his hand and begins to tap it against his mouth.  He also will hit his stomach or chest repeatedly, or literally bounce himself off walls, or spin in circles, or hit his head with both hands in a frantic motion.  These actions seem to be more in response to an overwhelming of his senses.  Some are done in frustration, but others start as a simply enjoyable act and turn into a source of frustration, like the tapping of his mouth while saying "aaaaaaahhhh".  It begins as a pleasurable action because he likes the sound and/or feel, but quickly derails into a frantic and obviously upsetting ordeal.

So, back on track, while Oliver's language is developing beautifully and I am so happy every time we hold a little conversation, a little bad has come with the good. Two steps forward, one step back.

Side note: While I don't think that all perseverating is bad, there seems to have been a dramatic increase in the "self harm" variety.  He's not truly harming himself, but hitting himself would be classified as such.  Our response to such stimming is to redirect him to hit a pillow, or to attempt to calm him using soothing words and touch.

God's Amazing Gift to Mothers

God will not give me more than He can handle.

I remember my pregnancy with Oliver.  I was tired all the time. I had morning sickness the first trimester, but it wasn't terrible. I remember thinking that morning sickness puking and being sick puking were vastly different.  The morning sickness was just a nuisance that I wanted to get over first thing in the morning and then move on with my day.  After the first trimester I only got sick a few times.  I remember thinking that I had an easy pregnancy, it was, at least, easier than I had expected it to be.

Then he was born, and while many people exclaimed that I had such an easy baby, and I tended to agree with them, there were many moments that were not easy at all.  I remember that I struggled to keep the house clean, and food made.  I was still tired all the time, even if all we did was sit around all day together.  Focusing on another's needs 24/7 is exhausting. 

Life got a little easier around the time he turned 1, but we were already pregnant with Wynter by then.  The exhaustion of early pregnancy set in again, the morning sickness with Wynter was much more like all day nausea.  Yet, I felt more energetic and on top of things than I had while pregnant with Oliver.  The end of that second pregnancy got bad as I developed Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction and it hurt to stand, move certain ways, or even walk sometimes.  Not just hurt, but pain to the point of my knees buckling under me.  I also began to fear that Oliver would feel unloved once my attention had to be split between 2 children, especially since he wasn't talking at this point and we weren't sure how much he understood what we said.

When Wynter was born... well, an amazing thing happened.  God gave me extra love, extra strength, extra everything I needed to faithfully serve him by tending to these two wonderful children.  I definitely still struggle most days to find the energy and patience to deal with life, but I can end a day having done nothing but feed my children and play with them and I know I've pleased God.

God has increased my strength even as life has gotten more complicated with Oliver's diagnosis.  He's increased patience, understanding, grace, strength, and anything I need in order to serve my family.  He's given me wisdom to make choices, and to seek help when needed.  He's not failed me in this yet, and I know He never will.

Someday, not now, but someday soon we want more children.  I can't wait!  I don't fear that I won't have enough to give because I've seen how God gives more to me so that I can give more to my children.  God has not failed me yet, and I know He won't fail me ever.  When our family multiplies God will not fail to give me everything I need to give to my family, even if some days that is nothing more than my attention and love.

The Homeschooling Choice: Part 3

Reason #4

Flexibility.  

While I believe that a routine, and a consistent schedule are helpful for Oliver, there are days where the needs of the day require a change in routine.  Sometimes those needs are Oliver's own needs.  For example, today he was ready to start school an hour earlier than we started all last week.  While I did stretch his patience a little, we ended up starting at 8:20am instead of 9am.

There will be days where I am sick and just cannot go anywhere or do anything; days where Wynter is needier than usual, or fussier, and the school day can be adjusted for that.  These are things we'd have to push through if Oliver was in public school, but at home we can assess the day and plan accordingly.

We also have the option of doing fun outings while other kids are in school.  Trips to the zoo, or the park, or the Children's Museum, are all easier to do when they are less crowded during the week.

Reason #5

The joy of watching my children learn and grow.

Just today Wynter strung beads on pipe cleaner with Oliver and I.  I didn't know she could do that, and I might not have given her the task if I hadn't first given it to Oliver.  Then, a bit later, Oliver and I were focused on some workbook tasks, the idea is for me to tell him what to color with a crayon and he is to follow the direction and correctly identify what I've asked him to.  Normally he'll scribble lightly on the picture or letter or number, but today, out of nowhere, he circled every item I asked him to identify.  If I was not the one teaching him I may not have had the joy of being the first one to witness this.