A quick study in James

I wanted to share some verses from the book of James today that really encouraged me and are a good reminder to not rely on myself, but on God.

James 1:2-7

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
   ⁵ But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, ⁸ being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. 

As this pregnancy draws to an end I find it harder and harder to be patient, to endure through the discomfort and the pain.  I have been whining about these hardships, complaining about how frustrating it is, devising plans to end this and give birth already!  The emotional hardships due to hormones are contributing to my general misery.  That I am to persevere with joy had been put entirely from my mind.

These trials have also made it difficult for me to be a mother to Oliver.  He finds it easy to run away from me when he knows he's in trouble, and because of how difficult it is to move I rarely go after him.  He has learned to take advantage of my slower movements, and other physical limitations.  I've found myself lamenting to Andrew often that I am at my wits end with Oliver and I don't know how to correct him, how to teach him to obey, and show him right from wrong.  Again, I have whined, complained, and cried over this, generally feeling frustrated and sorry for myself.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

How could I forget that God is who I should turn to for help?!  He alone can give me wisdom when I have none, and He will give it generously!  But I must remember to have faith that He will give me wisdom, because if I ask for it and don't believe that He will give it to me I am being double-minded, asking for what I do not believe I will receive.

So this is my prayer today:  God, please forgive me for looking to myself for answers and comfort, and for allowing myself to wallow in misery and self-pity when I did not find answers or comfort.  It is You alone who can provide me with the answers I seek, and the wisdom to know what to do.  Please help me to have joy in all my trials, and help me to persevere through them in a way that honors You.  I ask You for wisdom in parenting Oliver, especially during this time when my body gets in my way constantly.  Thank you for Your never-ending mercy and grace, no matter how many times I fail to seek You, You always forgive and accept me back into Your arms.