I find myself on the verge of tears this morning.
The house is quiet, Wynter is napping and Oliver is out
having fun with Grandma Sandy, and Grandpa James. I have some of my favorite
music playing; The Civil Wars, The Lumineers, Iron & Wine, Mumford &
Sons, and Imagine Dragons. I’m slowly
sipping freshly brewed coffee. Laundry
has been folded and put away.
This
moment feels peaceful, quiet, still.
And suddenly I’m hit by how much I fail at this job of mine,
motherhood. It’s staggering, the depth
of my failure. I so often lack so much,
patience, forgiveness, peace, thankfulness…
Instead of speaking softly, I yell.
Instead of being full of grace, I get angry.
Instead of exhibiting patience, I am quickly irritated and
often snap at my children in frustration.
And I get stubborn and rebellious. In the midst of messy life, instead of
turning to God, I stubbornly turn away.
This quiet moment, however, God stepped in and whispered to me.
“Let me help you.” He said.
And I broke.
Oh how I need Him! I
am lost without him. So lost.
This quiet morning I’m turning back to Him, seeking His
love, His grace, His strength, His forgiveness. I’m so thankful for such a patient, forgiving, loving God.
God's grace is always with you. He loves you so much and knows your struggles. Do not condemn yourself for what you don't do but see yourself as the loving mother that you are. Time with God always makes the difference and it can be as simple as praising him when you are folding the laundry. Take heart, God knows everything about you and He loves His creation deeply.
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