This IS our normal.

I started reading a sample for a book on Autism, and it starts by saying that Autism changes everything in your life.  This was a light bulb moment for me.  People around us have asked how we are coping with this new part of our life.  They wonder if we are shocked, or overwhelmed, or scared, or sad, and I feel like that ought to be our reaction, but it's not.

Our life has been different from the beginning.  Of course with every milestone and every bit of growing up that Oliver does our lives all change, but this is normal for any family with any sort of child.  For us, Oliver is our normal.  Nothing has changed with this pre-diagnosis/impending diagnosis except for an increase in knowledge and understanding, and doors opening for assistance. 

Of course it is overwhelming, but life has been overwhelming for a long time.  The increase in amount of doctor visits, and information, it is overwhelming, but the diagnosis itself is not.  It's a relief.  It's a relief to have a focus, a reason, an abundance of information and support. I feel like this makes our story a bit different. 

Because Oliver is our normal, Wynter is full of surprises.  It's impossible to describe the first time she said, "What's that?" and pointed at an object.  She asks for information all day long, every day.  And the first time she said, "Bye Dada!", I almost cried!  I almost don't trust myself to know for sure that she is talking, but I also can't deny that I hear these phrases, and new words consistently.  I'll be even more excited as her pronunciation becomes clearer, but until then I'm content to keep listening and hearing her speech develop.

I had always promised myself that I would do my best not to compare my children, but I've learned, especially now, how impossible that is.  I still try not to compare negatively, but with two children so different from each other, how can I not compare them to some degree?  Even in the way they ask for attention, they are different.  Wynter comes to us and lifts her arms up, or climbs into our lap, or rests her head against our legs; Oliver hits, kicks, pushes, or throws things in order to get a hug or a cuddle because he doesn't understand the appropriate way to ask for attention (we're working on this).

Autism does change everything in your life, but it has been changing our life before we even knew it.  The newer changes have been good ones.  We've gained insight into Oliver we never had before.  We've learned to see things around us with a different perspective.  We're not living completely in the dark, at a loss for how to relate to Oliver.  It's still a challenge, and I do still often feel at a loss, but the challenges are not that new, and the feeling lost is not as often.  This is how Autism has changed our lives.