A transformed marriage

Lately I've been thinking about how we have assurance of our salvation.  Now, bear with me because assurance isn't my topic today, but how I got to my conclusion starts here.  So, how do we know we are saved?  Well, there are many thoughts and ideas on this and friends and I discussed this thoroughly.  What is absolutely clear is that when Christ saves a person they become new, they are transformed and continue to be transformed by Christ to be more like Him.

The pastor of a church Andrew and I attended for the first time last Saturday preached on this transformation.  He spoke of how we ought to be so reflecting Christ that people ask us what makes us so different or "weird".  He talked about how our purpose is to bring glory to God and we do that by living a life that is transformed by Christ to reflect Him, a life that points to Christ.  Simply put:

Purpose: Glorify God
How: living a life that reflects Christ
How: allowing the Him to transform us

Now, onto the topic, a transformed marriage.  Andrew and I are reading through Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll.  It's a really great book and I definitely recommend it.  In the book they point out that the purpose of marriage is to glorify God and reflect Christ and the church.  As Andrew and I discussed this we asked, "How do we have a marriage that obviously glorifies God?"  The answer we came to was that in the same way that we need Christ to daily transform us to be more like Him, we also need Him to daily transform our marriage to reflect Christ and His church... that is how we have a marriage that glorifies God, a marriage that is different enough that others ask us why it is different.

Marriage takes work and commitment.  Just to keep it going takes lots of hard work, determination, and commitment.  To have a marriage that is constantly being transformed by Christ takes Christ, because we can't do it with out Him.  Just as we can't truly change our own selves with out Him, our marriage cannot grow and change without Him.  It is only through Him that we are transformed and our marriage is transformed.

Show and Tell

Today I thought I'd share a few things that have really blessed, inspired, or encouraged me (or all 3).

1. Yesterday morning was a difficult morning for me. Our son, Oliver, was hardly being the angelic little boy I know he can be.  He wasn't even being a cute little monster, he was just being a monster.  Not only that but I'm struggling with a lot of physical pain which is keeping me from many of my regular daily activities, mainly many housekeeping chores.  While it may seem a blessing to be able to sit on the couch all day and pass of most of the household chores to my husband, Andrew, it really isn't.  There may have been was a time when I would revel in the opportunity to do such a thing, but now keeping our home clean, tidy, and welcoming has become a joy to me.  I never thought I'd see the day, but it has happened, and it discourages me when I simply cannot do what needs to be done.  I voiced all these frustrations to Andrew, complaining about what a horrid day I was having and what a mess everything was (and by everything I meant me, Oliver, and the house).  So for the first "show and tell" I want to share the encouraging and inspiring words that he blessed me with in response:

"Look at the bright side of the day. You have a home, food, you don't need to work, you have a beautiful little boy with you who has the best laugh, a husband who loves you, you'll have a little girl soon to play dress up with, you get to nap if you need to, you have friends you can talk to during the day online, Christmas is soon, and you have Christ."

That text message changed my entire outlook for the day, and my attitude, and thus instead of having a horrid day I had a wonderful day.

2.  This blog post from Girls Gone Wise, Mary Kassian, about biblical submission.

3.  And this last one is just a tell: Last night I had 3 very obvious braxton-hicks contractions.  Now some might call them fake contractions because they don't mean you're in labor, but they aren't really fake are they?  They are actually contractions and they do hurt.  Now what is funny, and probably a little insane, is that mostly these very early on contractions can be eased by lying on one side or the other, but last night I really wanted to feel them so I lay on my back savoring the pain because I knew that feeling them this strongly meant that we are getting closer and closer to the day when I will hold our little baby girl in my arms.  While I lay there, feeling every bit of those painful contractions, I smiled and couldn't help but get excited.  I do not know when Wynter will come out into the world (her due date is December 25th, but not many babies are actually born on their due date) but I cannot wait until that day, and I can't help but hope that it is sooner than her due date.

Where it all started...

It's been an interesting journey for me, getting to where I am now.  Just two years ago I would have mostly balked at the idea of headship and submission in marriage, but part of me would have also been eager to learn more.  In fact, part of me has been longing all my life for that in marriage, but I never would have seriously voiced that longing because in the face of society today it seemed wrong.  Honestly, my view of it was off kilter too.  I had this longing for what I saw as the 50's marriage, I wanted to be the perfect little wife, with the perfect little home, and perfect little children, and yes I wanted my someday husband- at that point in life- to be "the boss".  And although I longed for this, I felt it was wrong of me, so I kept it mostly hidden and instead cultivated what I was taught: in-dependency, feminism, that women are at least equal to men (if not better).  I was taught by society how to walk all over a man, how to use my femininity to get what I wanted, I was even taught that women could be stronger, smarter, and overall better than men.  I never would have said any of those things, but my attitude toward men spoke it in volumes!

I feel blessed that it only took us 1 year of marriage before we realized that we had it all wrong.  God mercifully brought friends into our lives that pointed us in the right direction.  I learned that what society had taught me, and even my own secret longings did not line up with God's plan for marriage.  Ephesians 5:22-27 tells us that the marriage relationship is to mirror Christ and His church.  Just as Christ leads, shepherds, and sacrificially loves His church, husbands are to lead, shepherd, and sacrificially love their wives.  And just as the church submits to Christ's leadership, wives are to submit to the leadership of their husbands.  This was eye opening for me. 

I have no where near perfected this calling to submit, I am human after all, but I strive for it daily.  Some days are easier than others, some days it feels impossible, but this calling is on my mind and heart daily.  I am eager to learn more about what submission means and how to practically apply it in day to day life, and I am eager to apply it.  I believe I will always be learning new things about being a godly wife, or godly mother, and I will always struggle because of sin, but it is because of my past struggles and even my current struggles that I desire to share this journey with others so that some might be encouraged or learn what I have about God's call to wives and mothers.  And that is what this blog is for, sharing my journey into biblical womanhood for the purpose of teaching and/or encouraging other young women (whether you have grown up learning all of this, or like me you are just learning it, or have yet to discover it).