Barely Surviving

That's what my life feels like today, yesterday, last week, probably all this week, maybe next week, at least further than I can really see right now.  It feels like I'm barely surviving.  Not just surviving, because when I am just surviving I feel even more 'together' than I do now.  Barely surviving in my world means that nothing is going well.  Let me give you a little picture of what I mean.

Last week began with Oliver getting the flu.  Even though the flu left by Monday, he continued to have extreme, leak out of the pants onto the bed diarrhea until Wednesday afternoon.  On Tuesday I got the flu in the evening and had to have Andrew come home early from work to help me take care of the kids while I laid on the couch with the chills.  I only got up to vomit buckets at a time.  Andrew was great and took good care of me and the children since I couldn't do anything.  By Wednesday morning I was feeling fine, but Andrew was getting the flu next.  During the day on Wednesday he threw up a few times at work before giving up and coming home in the afternoon.  He was sick all Wednesday and Thursday (he stayed home Thursday).  So on both Wednesday and Thursday I was taking care of both children alone, and a sick husband.  Finally Friday began to be a bit normal.  Saturday was supposed to be a cleaning day since Andrew's mom is coming to visit this Thursday, but instead the day was taken up with trying to buy a car (which is still an ongoing process buy hopefully will be done by the end of today or tomorrow).

Yesterday started a new week, and I'd hoped an easy week in which I could really relax, enjoy my kids and get the house clean.  However, Oliver got sick again last night with a congested chest and cough.  Today has been insane.  Oliver is fussy and needy and I don't blame him because I know he feels awful.  But Wynter, who has shown no signs of being sick, is also fussy and needy and refuses to take adequate naps. I don't think I've had a single moment today where both children have not been crying, at least not a substantial enough moment that it made any difference.  And because of this I cannot get any cleaning done today, the constant crying is literally driving me INSANE, and I do not see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Andrew asks me to trust him, that it will be okay.  The problem is that it is not okay right now.  I don't know how to survive this.  I have no sanity left, no desire to be sane, I don't think anyone sane would make it through this with their sanity intact anyway.  All I want to do is cry right along with my babies. Maybe scream a little bit too in desperation.  Maybe it will all be okay tomorrow, but tomorrow is not here and today is not okay...

And I want others to know that with kids there are times like this, when nothing feels okay, when you have to barely survive, and when you don't know how you are going to survive.  I want mothers to remember that other mothers have gone through times like this.  I want husbands and fathers to know that their wife, the mother of their children, will at times feel completely pushed too far, stretched waaaaaaay past her capability to deal.   Mothers, give your children grace, give yourself moments to cry out to God for help amidst the chaos; husbands, give your wife grace and support and understanding, and give your children grace.  Remember, God will be your strength, remember He will give you grace.