As the Sun Sets

Currently my favorite song is 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman.  It's got a beautiful tune and really uplifting lyrics.  However, it wasn't until today that it really became a personal prayer and worship song.

This morning has been a rare morning.  I actually was able to get up and fix my husband breakfast and make his lunch, something I haven't been able to do for at least 2 weeks.  Normally Wynter is attached to me at that time getting her breakfast.  For Andrew being served breakfast and having his lunch made by me says 'I love you'.  I don't always like doing it, but I do know how much it means to him and so I prefer being able to do it even when I don't actually want to do it.

I also got to take a shower this morning! Ever since Wynter was born my showers have to be done at night before bed if I want one during the week.  Sometimes Oliver and Wynter will cooperate and I'll get to take a quick one in the morning while they play, but that's not even a once a month occurrence.  Wynter was awake, but Oliver slept in today and so I just plopped Wynter in her bumbo seat and took a shower.  I even had time to shave my legs!  (The simple pleasures of motherhood...)

So this morning I was in a pretty good mood.  The chorus of 10,000 Reasons popped into my head as I was showering, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul...".  And then so did the beginning of the first verse, "The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning...".  You know how it is when a song gets stuck in your head and you can't remember most of it?  Yeah, so I went and looked up the lyrics and pulled up the song on YouTube.  When I read the lyrics of the first verse it was like God was sending me a message.

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

Lately life has been drowning me.  Each day starts okay, but by noon I am drained, and somewhere around 1 or 2pm I lose it.  I'm not even going to describe how badly I lose it because it's embarrassing and shameful.  I feel horrible about losing it, even hate myself most days, but it feels uncontrollable and comes on so fast that I feel completely unable to stop it.  By the end of the day I'm completely depressed.  Hopeless.  Deflated.  Despairing.  Almost nothing and no one can cheer me up.  I'm a complete wreck.  I feel like screaming, not singing like the song says.

Reading, "Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes" was like God reminding me that where I lack the strength to get through, He will help me.  The lyrics don't say "Whatever may pass unless it's a toddler throwing extreme tantrums all day, or a 5 month old who refuses to sleep unless in mommy's arms, or a house that is overwhelmingly messy", it just says "whatever may pass".  So this has become my daily prayer, that absolutely WHATEVER happens, I will be joyfully singing (whether actually singing, or just being joyful in my countenance and my words and my actions) as the day ends.

I know that I will not always remember to pray this prayer, and sometimes life will get the better of me, and situations that throw me into total meltdowns won't suddenly become easier or non-existent, but I do know that I have God on my side and I can always turn to Him for the strength, patience, love, self-control, kindness, gentleness, peace, and joy that I lack and He will give it to me.

Dear Mom,

In honor of Mother's Day I really want you to know how much I appreciate you.  Growing up, and I think most kids do this, we think of all the ways our parents could do things better.  We fight against the boundaries that you put up, and find ways to sneak behind your back to do those things you've told us not to do.  We think you are just being controlling or mean, but you are trying to protect us and teach us.  We don't see that as kids.  Even into adulthood, we don't really appreciate all the work you've put into raising us.

Now that I am a mother myself I am beginning to understand these things, and I think fully appreciate you as my mother.  I think there are many kids who grow up and decide they want to be a much different kind of parent than their own parents were, but when it comes to you and the choices you made in raising me, I would be honored to be as good of a parent as you have been for me.

I appreciate that you gave me freedom to make my own way in life, yet also gave me boundaries to guide me and help me in making those choices.

I appreciate that you taught me to love God both in your words and your actions.

I appreciate that you taught me how to clean, sew, bake, cook, care for children, and so many other things that I am utilizing every day.

I appreciate that you taught me that there are consequences when rules are broken, and that sometimes we need to follow a rule even if we don't like it.

You taught me to be selfless, kind, grateful, patient, and loving.

You taught me how to be a Godly woman, and mother.

I know now that everything you did was your best attempt at raising me to be those things, and your best was amazing.  I've been so blessed to have you as my mother.

I love you Mom!

My Parenting Decisions: Babywearing

Babywearing with a Moby Wrap.

I didn't learn about babywearing until after Oliver was older, and to be honest my current knowledge is very limited still.  I'm constantly learning more and more about it nearly every day!  So far I have, and have tried 3 different carriers, a Snuggli buckle carrier, a Moby Wrap, and an Infantino Mei Tai.

I hated the Snugli.  It was awkward and uncomfortable.  I barely used it.  Recently I learned that this specific kind of carrier isn't actually a good one to use.  They generally are uncomfortable to wear, and the way that baby sits in it isn't that great for their physical development.

Similar to the Snuggli I have and don't use.

The Moby Wrap is categorized under stretchy wraps, and is pretty comfortable to use for newborns and older.  The instructions say you can use them for babies up to 35lbs, but I've found that after about 20lbs they get pretty awkward.  Wynter is about 16lbs now and I rarely use the Moby anymore.  For newborns through the first 3-4 months though they are great!  I especially love how they look even though wrapping can be a little cumbersome until you get used to it.

Wearing Wynter in the Moby Wrap, about 1 month old.

So far my favorite carrier, for ease of use and comfort level, is the Mei Tai.  The one I have is made by Infantino.  I also love how they look.  Mei Tai's can be used for three different kinds of carries, front, side, and back.  I have only used the front carry so far but I plan on trying a back carry soon.

Wynter at 4 months old, Infantino Mei Tai.

I'm no expert on babywearing and all the do's and don'ts so here are some links for that sort of info:

For information on correct positioning
Safety Tips
Dr. Sears Babywearing Info List

 Rental Service

Because I hate it when people promote something that is wonderful and good, but don't tell you about possible downsides, let me just tell you that while I find babywearing to be fun and useful it can be cumbersome.  I don't wear Wynter at home often, but I do find it useful for trips to the mall or going on walks.  Babywearing is something I love, but mostly in certain situations.  You have to find your own reasons for doing it, and the carriers that work the best for you and are comfortable for your baby.  I definitely recommend it though, and I can't wait to try more carriers and different ways of wearing Wynter.