The above picture is just a tiny glimpse into daily life in our home. This particular morning I had accidentally left the movie cabinet unlocked and Oliver decided this was a prime opportunity to help me reorganize them. As soon as he discovered my mistake he promptly pulled out nearly all our DVDs, opened a few, spread discs all over the floor, and then abandoned his mess. Wynter saw what great fun Oliver was having and offered her assistance as well. She enjoyed chewing on the cases, or the free floating DVDs, and rolling in the mess as though it were a fun pile of fallen leaves.
I had noticed the beginning of this mess, and could have stopped it before it got out of hand, but they were both having so much fun that I decided to indulge them this once. Normally I'm pretty diligent about keeping the baby lock on that cabinet because I don't want Oliver doing exactly this.
In my last post, 1,2,3, I talked about "letting go". I mentioned letting go in regards to schedules, housekeeping, and structure, but really you have to learn to let go in all areas of your life when you have children. Do you laugh, or yell when you find your toddler has dumped water all over your bathroom floor? Do you cherish, or cry over the time spent lying on the couch because your baby refuses to sleep anywhere but in your arms? What about when they are both crying or screaming?
I am nowhere near perfect, or even decent, in my responses. I often do cry over the time spent on the couch, or scream about the mess I didn't want to deal with, and when they both start crying my response is more often to be louder than them. (So, this post is more for myself than anyone else.) A day, even just an hour, with children can be extremely trying and stressful. I have a choice every day to either add to it with my sinful responses, or to lessen it by letting go. Is it not better and less stressful to laugh over a mess and help your child clean it up? Is not time spent better cherishing a quiet moment with your baby? And does adding your loud complaints to your children's raise or lower the stress in that moment?
On days that I stress about messes, or cry over my lack of me time, I don't enjoy being a mother and I don't enjoy my children. However, on the days where I let go and laugh over messes, cherish the baby in my arms who is growing much to fast, and tend to their desires before mine we are all much happier, and I actually love being with my children and am able to enjoy them.
P.S. I do think that there are times when crying, screaming, or yelling are not sin. Sometimes I cry and scream out my desperation to God, begging for his help because there is no way I can live out this calling to motherhood without Him. And sometimes I yell at Oliver because he is headed recklessly toward danger. I even think that crying to release emotion is okay, and it is my experience that 9 to 12 months of the first year after a baby is born are wrought with intense emotions. We need to examine our hearts constantly so that our emotions are not products of sin, and we need to remember that calling on God for help with ANYTHING is 100% a good thing.
Thanks for sharing! I am finding it is all about balance for me! There is a time where it is healthy for me to let go of something and there are times that it is actually healthier for firm discipline and expectations for myself and my children. So when I let my kids play in the huge pile of topsoil for our garden, I am thrilled that it is everywhere - I am happy to see them making a mess, engaging in learning and playing and being silly! The same is true for painting, our bean bin, and play with toys throughout the day. Other times I find that firm reprimands are necessary, like when Amelia decides to make a beeline for the toilet every time the bathroom door is open. I know that she is old enough to learn the big no-no's of our household rules... and not playing in the toilet is, I guess, one of our household rules! Haha!! It is true, though, as you alluded to, that our responses should never be out of self-pity or anger at the inconvenience the messes our kids make cause US but always with a view to the fact that our children are lent to us by the Lord for training and discipline and love. Which sometimes does mean simply learning basic obedience training, like staying out of the toilet or not pulling 50 gazillion books off daddy's bookshelf... (another frequent scenario with a one year old!)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Sarah!
ReplyDeleteYou're very right, children should definitely learn the rules of the house, and discipline in that should be consistent so as not to confuse them. Right now we have very few rules, but we do expect them to be followed and try to be consistent with discipline when they are not.
I love order and neatness. So much so that it can be a problem for me. Letting go, allowing messes and exploration is an area which I constantly struggle with. If I lived in my own perfect world children would happily take out one toy at a time, play with it, and put it away before moving on to the next toy or activity. Of course that is completely unreasonable and so I have to make a conscious effort every day to let go and let them make messes, pull out several toys, play creatively, explore... and that's what I'm talking about in this post.