Into His Eyes

Today was a particularly rough day.  Transitions do not come easily for Oliver, and having no control over what is happening makes it 100 times worse for him.  We had a morning that required fast transitions, and Oliver had no control over what we were doing and when we were leaving a location (leaving is the hardest for him).  The morning ended in tears all around, and a heartbroken Mama.

Despite the rough day, or perhaps because of it, this song (shared on a Facebook group I'm in) had me crying so hard.


When Oliver looks at me, looks me in my eyes, it's as if I'm able to see inside to his soul.  I can see that little boy that is trapped by delayed speech, an inability to express himself, and an inability to understand his himself and others as fully as he would like.

This one snapshot of a glance my way says more than any words he could speak.  I look at this picture and I know he loves deeply.  I know he feels deeply.  I know if he could speak, beautiful child-wise words would emerge, but it doesn't matter because I can see it all in this one glance.  Wordless joy.

His actions, though subtle in comparison to his behavior during a burst of extreme emotion, also let me glimpse at his spirit.  The little kisses, and armless hugs, and sweet tackles, and other little surprise moments are what keep me strong and gentle and resolved in the midst of his attacks fraught with deep and uncontrollable emotion.  (I have my moments too, moments where I do not respond with a gentle voice and I deeply regret that.  I am not perfect, though I would like to be.)

The above picture is a sweet image to many, but for me it brings tears of knowledge.  The hug he is giving to the stone child is full of as much love and tenderness as the hugs he gives to Andrew, Wynter, and I.  This is a picture of a child who loves so beautifully, and has so much grace... I would not trade that for anything in the whole world!

I love this little boy so very, very much.