Motherhood (with little children) Reality:

There's this fantasy that I had before kids, even before getting married, about what it would be like to be a wife and a mother.  I imagined that I would have a tidy and clean home every day; I would cook elaborate meals that were well balanced and on the table for my husband when he walked in the door every evening; I would be able to spend time getting ready for each day, taking a shower, doing my hair, putting on make-up, and dressing in well chosen outfits.  This fantasy showed me smiling all the time, with children and a happy husband, and a picture perfect life.  I don't know why I bought into this fantasy when it's common knowledge that real life is nothing like that, but I did.  I was sorely disappointed.

Real life with small children (because that's all the experience I have so far) is messy, dirty, smelly, and full of quickly thrown together meals.  It's got as many tears and unhappy faces as it does smiling, happy faces.  I haven't dressed in anything other than jeans and a t-shirt for a very long time, and I can't guarantee that every single day has me wearing clean clothes, or any clothes for that matter (as I write this post I sit at the computer in a tank top and undies).  This week we ate McDonalds for dinner twice, and not because we wanted to.

This is pretty close to my reality, minus 3 children and the pregnant belly.

I don't know if I just didn't listen to the mother's around me, or if it's true that no one warned me that motherhood was not a pretty, peaceful, blissful experience.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom. I adore my kids. I wouldn't trade this experience of motherhood for anything in the world, but it is HARD!  I didn't know that babies and young children require so much time and energy that just the prospect of trying to clean a home and cook 3 healthy meals each day would make me want to die (not literally).  I didn't know that breastfeeding would hurt, or that it would be so very hard.  I didn't know that the first several months of a babies life meant close to 0 sleep for mom.  I still don't know how it's possible to survive with such little sleep, but I did it. Twice. Somehow.  I didn't know that a shower would be a weekend luxury, or that I'd want to shave my head so that I wouldn't have to worry about my hair.  I guarantee that no one told me about car seat struggles and how sweaty you can get from trying to force your kid into one. I just didn't know what it would be like.

The above pictures... that is my reality.  Those are real pictures of my home.  Those kitchen sink pictures, they don't even include the dishes piled on the counters and stove top, nor do they show the fact that the kitchen had been quickly building up to that sort of mess for a full week.  The pictures of the living room, those messes were made within the course of a few hours.  My kids wake up at 6am most days, by 9am the house can look like that.  If I try to pick it up at some point during the day, it gets destroyed again within minutes.  Our bathroom is gated off, and the amount of time actually spent in the bathroom is miniscule, which means that although it can quickly get messy, it might not get cleaned more than once every 2 weeks.  No joke. I'm not really proud of that, and I'd like to be better about it, but that is our current reality. 

I know there are moms out there, new moms, who don't understand why they can't seem to keep their house clean, or cook a meal that is more than one dish (casseroles and stews are my friends).  Maybe you feel like you're failing at this mom thing.  I know that I have cried over these feelings and thoughts many times.  I've even thought that my husband deserves someone better than me, someone who can be a better wife and mother than I.  I want to tell you right now, you have to let go of that fantasy. It's not real.  That fantasy is based on a snapshot of someone else's life.  A snapshot.  I could take a million photos of our clean house, and our well dressed children, but those are literally seconds from our life and they tell a fraction of the story.  I could take many, many more photos of mussed up children running around in nothing but a diaper, a messy house, and me in the background looking tired, messy, and frazzled.  Those pictures would tell you about 90% of the story. I don't know if it's shame over the supposed failure, or simply a desire to put a mask over reality, but it is hard to find moms who talk about real life in their home.  Even I like to brush over the mess most of the time.  However, being one of those new moms who felt like a total failure, and thought every other mom had it together, I want to share my life so that you can find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.  You are not a failure, I promise.

I want to end by recommending some books that helped me realize the truth:

Hope for the Weary Mom
Loving the Little Years
No More Perfect Moms

All of those books are written by Christian women who are honest and real about the struggles of motherhood.  I definitely recommend them.

Stay strong, busy and weary mom!